i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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