WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
