I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
