Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
