Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
