Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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