Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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