just tell him i said nine months
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
