my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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