you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I intend to get homeless drunk
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
