Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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