Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
