Cold hands, warm shart.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She said her name was "party"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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