Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
