If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He kissed a someone with a penis
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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