Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
