At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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