Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
