I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
