he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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