I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
