I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
