I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
FUCK WHALES
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
