can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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