I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
