Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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