I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
