If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
