is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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