We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
