matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
