new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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