i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
