I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Couch. On fire.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
