And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
