Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
