Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
