You're my little dorito
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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