A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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