Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
