I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
