its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
