I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My breasts were aching with rage.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
