my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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