I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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