Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
