Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
