Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think your dad took our porno
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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