I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
