i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
