I think i peed on brittanys purse
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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